And I'm not very happy about it. I've just written my Calculus 12 exam and to be frank, I don't think I did very well on it.
I messed up so many questions worth more than 2 marks that if I fail, I will have to buy a 1994 Caravan and move away and become a hippie in South Hollywood and try to sell hipster trinkets and doodads.
My head still hurts from the amount of effort I used to come up with answers for some of those things. I'm normally a number person, but holy crap, the numbers basically just told me to fuck off.
Wow, my head hurts, I need to be comforted. I'll buy some ice cream for myself later.
So, I haven't been drawing, I haven't been writing and I haven't been reading.
I have become an unproductive pile of schlubb... seriously, I haven't gotten around to finish anything. Curse me and my procrastination!
It's all well and good, I am going to get a job and start on my English 12 course this summer. I can't wait to get that over and done with, but seriously, I think next year I'm going to take the Math 12 Provincial, since I decided not to take it this year. Woot. Hooray for me, more shit to worry about.
To be honest, a lot of this year I have slowly been losing myself, and I don't know why. I used to hate getting anything under an 80%, but now I can't seem to get myself off of my ass and work on things. I lost something... where did it go?
The worst that could happen is I'll be disowned from the family... but I do still intend on moving away to become a gypsy or whatever the hell I said I was going to do earlier.
Yeah, then who'll be laughing? Well, not me, I'll be living in a fucking Caravan.
I always have the imagination for becoming a better version of myself, I just don't have the motivation. Maybe it's from lack of support, because, to be quote blunt, my parents were never really supportive, all the did was pressure, and I never really felt any freedom to try things on my own, just the constant pound of trying to be something for them to be proud of, not something that I could live with.
Maybe that's it, and my motivation just finally decided to high-tail itself out of my house and run away to someone else more deserving.
An incorrigible way of putting it, right?
Sorry for being so depressing. I am still crazy, but generally today I felt the need to reflect on what I've been doing, so maybe I can kick myself to change it.
CreepyNerdNextDoor